My 1st Bike Packing Adventure

Before (Nerd)

Before

So my friend Melissa invited me to go biking packing. Well Mel, I don't have the gear,  my bike is going to fall apart any moment, I don't know what I'm doing, and I'm not sure if I can get out of work...bla bla bla OK why not. She helped me track down some gear, I got my bike tuned-up and we made it happen.

I got to her house late Friday because I slept straight through my alarm. Stupid work week had me exhausted. Thank God she wakes up earlier than the rooster. Figuring out how to get the gear to fit on my bike was a pain. There wasn't much room for the seat bag and we had to MacGyver the crap out of it. On our way up we stopped by Wally-Mart for more whiskey and guess what?!...I FORGOT MY STUPID PHONE. Luckily I realized this before getting back on the highway and we went back for it.

LESSON LEARNED: I need to prepare/do everything at night because the mornings are dumb. Try to calm your jets of excitement and get some sleep. Don't clean and pack all night like some cracked out person that didn't take any crack.

And we're finally off!

Smiley-Faced MARTIAN!

Now I don't usually like to dive off the main topic but I must tell you this story. Just a warning about Walmart that if you go in to get help with anything beyond what they know to do, like check you out or tell you what aisle the tampons are in, it's like speaking to a bunch of smiley-faced Martians. Of course when I go in the lady I JUST checked out with is on her 100th break of the day. I ask the chick at the checkout about her and my phone. No words. A slight glance around for it then points to customer service. Thanks. 

Of course customer service has a Disneyland worthy line around the corner. It's noon on a Friday, why are there so many people? Why aren't you all at work, gosh? I just need someone to glance back there for my phone. A younger employee girl is standing not doing anything and I ask her if she can go check. She looks at me as if I told her kill the President. She motions another woman worker over and I re-ask the same question. The woman tells her to go talk to Becky behind the counter and the girl looks terrified. The woman says do you know who Becky is and she shakes her head no like she's 3 yrs old with her bottom lip out. Ok so I'm gathering this younger girl may have a mental handicap and that's ok. I just want my phone. She goes back behind the counter and the worker Becky shakes her head annoyed. The younger girl comes back scared to death and shakes her head. I go "she didn't even check." Then she shrugs and runs off. LOL ok.

I then go back to the original checkout line to ask the name of the girl I checked out with. I finally got a name for shit sake - Diane. I go to several other workers asking where their coworker Diane is. They're totally confused. I'm apparently from another planet speaking in tongues. I go around the store looking, wanting to scream at the top of my lungs - "Where the hell are you Diane?! Don't leave me, Diane! Don't ever let go!" But I keep my urge at bay. No luck. Does she even exist? Was it all in my head? Do I even have a phone? What planet is this? I'm going insane. I will forever be stuck in Walmart. 

I take a deep breath and hop into the Disneyland line at customer service to speak to Becky myself. Poor Mel outside waiting...ugh. I FINALLY get to the counter. She shakes her head without looking and says no one turned in anything because if they had they'd had told her. I go, "WELL Becky, it seems there's some general confusion with the workers here on your current business processes for this type of situation and maybe Diane didn't know exactly what she was supposed to do. I'd appreciate if you could check the lost and found just in case *wink*." And wouldn't you fucking know, it was in there. Well hallefreakinglujah 30 mins later! I'm happy as hell with steam blowing out of my ears. 

LESSON LEARNED: People who work at Walmart may in fact be aliens. Avoid it and if you can't, don't be an idiot and leave your phone.

Eat it, Walmart!

Pretty

So 400 million hours past when we wanted to start, we finally get to the Rock Springs trailhead south of Black Canyon City, load up and we're off. Oh well we're girls, that's what we do. Fashionably late but this time it wasn't about make up and picking out what to wear with a closet full of clothes.

Now with the Black Canyon Trail (BCT) it's much easier going N to S. Fully loaded we'll go ahead and take dirt roads up north and riding the trail back down tomorrow. We're going to try to make it to the Antelope Creek Segment/Trailhead about 21 miles away.

It's not so bad at first on the pavement but we turn the corner and ride by a house that reminds me of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre with a sign that warns us not to be around at night. Um ok, note taken. We turn the corner and it's a Mount Lemmon-esque type dirt road climb. Holy crap this is hard with all this weight. Mel starts to gap me a bit. She's obviously super strong and I'm feeling like a heavy turd behind her. The couple little chunky jeep road downhills are challenging too. You can't get centered with your butt back with the seat bag and it would hit my wheel if I hit the chunk too hard not to mention my shock bottoming out every 2.5 secs.

Bumble Bee, AZ

With every pedal stroke it becomes more and more beautiful. We stop off and on to rest, check the GPS, take pics, shoot some whiskey. One place we stopped was this beautiful bridge before Bumble Bee, AZ with water still running in the wash below and a cool road sign (see pic). Population: a whopping 19 people! Soon to be 20 when Bobby Joe has her 10th child. Jk we didn't really meet Bobby Joe. I'm just guessing someone in this small town is probably pregnant with two first names.

The road settled out a bit and we came across several major road crossings. One had a sign for "ICE COLD DRINKS - 4 MILES! Open Weekends Only" Both of us sat and contemplated, jonesing for a cold beer. What if "drink" doesn't include beer and is Friday considered the weekend?  Damn. Let's not take our chances, we only have about 2 hrs until dark. We keep trucking ahead.

Suddenly I get the urge to check the gps. We're off course and headed in another direction. Oops. I feel Mel wanting to strangle me because it's getting dark and cold. We turn around to get back on route and I go to shift [LOUD NOISE CRACKLE POP], I can't pedal. I put my chain back on and try to pedal. Nope not working as the chain somehow jumped down to the last cog where the free hub body is stripped and doesn't pedal in that gear. It's been like that forever. No problem, I'll just shift out of it. Nope. By this time Mel is out of sight around the corner. I check everything the cable and shifter. It is loose, there is no tension, and my shifter is not catching even when I tighten the cable down on the derailleur with my multi-tool. I go to shift and it loosens again. RUH ROH! I start running up the hill upset as I just got this thing tuned up and ready for the weekend. I'm wondering if a mistake was made by the shop or if my shifter has met its lifespan. Either way, not good and horrible timing.

Getting Dark! That's my Shadow

I find Mel at the top of the hill. Sun's setting and we need to get a fire going. We coast down this hill to an intersection and check the gps. There is an older cowboy type standing by a big truck. He asks if we're ok. I ask him where Antelope Creek Trailhead for the BCT is. He looks confused. I'm fiddling with my gps and talking to Mel and he says "Don't worry ladies I won't hurt you. How can I help?" Another truck pulls up and he calls the guy boss. He gets out and we explain what's up. I apologize for not coming over sooner as I was messing with the gps and the rancher cowboy goes "throw that damn thing away" then offers us some beer lol. 

We introduce ourselves. The first guy is Dan and the other who he referred to as boss is Tom. They are amazed we rode our bikes and are going to camp. I believe their exact words were "What in the hell possessed you do something like this?"

Tom gives us a couple of Coors Lights and Dan says they got Whiskey too ha. After going over where we were headed, we ask them to take us to a place we can camp close to the trail. They end up taking us back to the very spot where we saw the "ICE COLD DRINKS" sign. There's a corral there with a ton of firewood, it's near the road but yet secluded, and the TRAIL IS RIGHT THERE! We missed the turn, well I missed it. I forgot to check the GPS there.

LESSON LEARNED: Even though you think you memorized every turn beforehand, check your GPS at ever intersection or questionable point. You're not Einstein. 

They tell us they may be back with the one guy's wife as they like to have a cocktail there. They actually said the word "cocktail." Basically it's their party spot. There are signs to not camp but Tom owns the ranch and gives us permission. WHAT ARE THE STINKING ODDS OF ALL THIS!? Mel tells me that the bike packing community calls this type of thing "Trail Magic."

LESSON LEARNED: Be cautiously trusting. It may be your only hope. There are still good people in this world.

COORS!!

Mel is immediately on a mission and commands me to get firewood quick. Ok yes ma'am. Since I handled the driving duties she took care of all the food. Apparently Mel was a chef in a former lifetime because the burrito she made tasted amazing. The conversation went something like: 

Me: "OMG What did you put in this? So good." 

Her: "Uhhh, beans, rice, and cheese?" 

Me: "OMG OMG OMG!"

Good night

A fire, a burrito and a cold Coors. Aww yes.Now before you snub your noses up at the Coors, you MTB beer connoisseurs, I must say it felt like drinking the ice cold tears of baby angels right then. I'm thinking though that bike packing has an affect on your taste buds. I could have probably had a shit sandwich at that moment with a smile.

We sat around the fire joking around and laughing while trying to figure out what to do with my bike. Meh, we'll do it in the morning when we can see. The ranchers came back and hung for a bit. They filled my whiskey flask a couple times. Now, I thought that Mel's fire was kick ass, but apparently it was a pussy fire according to them. We wanted it small as there was brush and branches piled up near it. The ranchers half buzzed proceeded to throw said branches and brush into the fire. We scurried like cockroaches to get our gear and sleeping bags out of the way as it was engulfed in flames growing big enough to be seen from the space stations.

LESSON LEARNED: Don't be a pussy, build a real fire.

The ranchers said their good-byes and gave us their number in case we needed help. We didn't see them again but felt comforted knowing we had back-up. We continued to be stupid and silly all night, "roughing it" by Facebooking our 1st day experience. I was the big loser on staying awake and passed out first. Now I'm not used to being confined in what seemed like a coffin sleeping situation. I just learned what a bivy was (like a sleeping bag wind/rain breaker, a minimalist tent per se) and you stick your pad and bag into it. It's a tight squeeze especially sliding my big ass down in there. I couldn't move an inch which worried me with animals.

LESSON LEARNED: Drink some whiskey so you don't worry as much about animals eating you like a human burrito.

Creek Crossing Senior Picture Shot

When the fire went out it was colder than a witch's titty. I woke up freezing and had to maneuver around to get comfortable which pretty much lasted the entire night. It was cold no matter what I did. I get a bit claustrophobic at times and have trouble breathing my own air or hot air. It affects my asthma. I need fresh air but if I had an opening, a rush of cold came in. Eventually I moved my bag over by Mel. She was like a little heater. At least one side was warm. I ended up getting only a couple hours of sleep I think. I eventually counted the minutes for the sun to come up.

LESSON LEARNED: I need a light sleeping bag rated at least in the 20's, a light pad, a bivy, maybe a liner. The one I borrowed was rated 40 or 45 and it wasn't enough even with 2 layers of clothes. Also FYI body heat saves lives. 

Creek Crossing Senior Picture Shot

The next day Mel pretty much took care of everything in the morning because I felt like dookie that included a migraine-ish type headache. I took ibuprofen and she took care of the fire, breakfast, tidying up the place, etc. Thanks, Mel!

Creek Crossing Senior Picture Shot

Now for my bike...I'm still fairly brain dead at this point when we try to tackle this. I tried to do something complicated like the video I googled said to convert to an SS. Really all we had to do is adjust the limit screws to get the chain up out of that last stripped cog. After a while of me and 4 mountain bike dudes we flagged down trying to mess with it, Mel had enough. I could hear her thinking "Bitches get out my way and let's get this shit rollin'." 

We thanked the guys and they said they'd come back to get us. She starts messing with the limit screws and gets it in a few gears up. PERFECT! It's going to be a bitch but I can do this. Yet again, Mel saves the day. I would have probably died on this trip without her.

LESSON LEARNED: Don't drink more whiskey than water but again drink enough to not worry about being a human burrito. A happy median, people!

We get packed and rolling and we decide to take the trail. Come all this way and not go on the trail? No thanks. I'll be fine with my one gear. We knew it crossed the road several times and we had Dan the rancher's # just in case. Why not.

Creek Crossing Senior Picture Shot

Wow is all I could think as riding on the single track. It was tough being loaded down. Different handling, different feel, I couldn't drop back because of the seat bag, just everything. I felt like a beginner all over again. We stopped often to eat, take some pictures, drink some whiskey, take it all in and wait for the 250 million horses that had some sort of group adventure race going on.

Beautiful Creek Bed

We first saw these horses at the very same creek crossing we went by the first day. They were conducting some sort of training and we slowly tried to tip-toe past. My Stans hub was being SOOO loud. They finally heard us and stopped to let us by. It felt like we were interrupting a sermon at a Catholic church. They were nice and led us back on track as we had lost the trail. What a beautiful area!! (see pics above and to the side)

From this point a steep climb led us to want to plop our ass down and have some pretzel bread and turkey bacon. Holy moly what a delicious combo. While trying to get into our pretzel bacon Zen, a ton more horses passed by and out of no where the wind picked up at what seemed like 100 mph. This made it difficult to chug the whiskey too. "Hey here comes some horses, hide the whiskey...again."

I remember from this point, the trail got even more epic. It got steep at times with some decent exposures. Exposure that you wouldn't even think of if you were riding unloaded but looking or even glancing in your periphery at the 30 foot drop with all that weight made the bike wobble and go that way on a dime. It was different; it was scary.

With the trail exposed and narrow we had to maneuver around more horses even, some skiddish.

LESSON LEARNED: Skiddish horses hate that you look like an alien with that ugly helmet and Oakleys. Take them off ahead of time if possible.

This epic section was no joke and what felt like 10 miles between each time we stopped, we had only gone 2. We decided to take the road the next chance it crossed. We became set on "we can't wait until we get to the road" but the road, though in sight, never crossed the trail. We eventually took a gnarly jeep road down to it. Yeehaw!

Heading back I remembered this part from the day before. I was dead from single speeding it but lo and behold there was one more steep jeep climb. I mustered enough will to not let it beat me and single speeded my ass fully loaded up it. I felt accomplished with my hearth rate at 250 bpm.

We were on our way down the Lemmon-esque road we had came up the day before and I flipped off the Texas Chainsaw Massacre house flying by. On the way to town we were contemplating stopping first to get a beer and eating or waiting to get to the car then stopping. By the time we got to town we were tractor beamed into Benis Pizza without contemplation. Now I thought it looked a lot like Penis Pizza but at this point that sounded awesome too.

We ate so much I had food twins later that night. They actually had a decent draft beer selection that we partook. And let's not mention we couldn't go 5 fucking hours without one of us Facebooking a status and pic right then. We laughed a ton and in fact, one of the sorest muscles from the weekend was my jaws from smiling and laughing so much. We checked in with everyone to let them know we were ok. 

Oh but WAIT, we are still 1.5 miles from my car. We took off pregnant with food and beer. Mel pulled my butt up the hill back to my Element. Pulling in seeing my car was indescribable as I knew there was Fireball waiting for us. HA just kidding, just kidding...it was a great feeling to know we made it back. We sat there on my tail gate, basking in pride and already reminiscing about our adventure. Life was goooooood.

After: Exhausted yet feeling amazing already reminiscing